by Cathy Moreland by Cathy Moreland
Part of our 2008 mission emphasis is to cultivate a culture of Christian hospitality throughout our congregational life, including our facilities, our greeting of visitors and our interactions with each other.
Join us in expressing the hospitality of our congregation through awareness, learning, and the practicing of new hospitality skills. This month we look at a Language of Nonviolence in hospitality.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), was created by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and is used in peace building around the world, helping people connect compassionately with themselves and one another. For more information you may to www.cnvc.org and look for Houston trainings.
Our thinking often alienates us from being hospitable. Judgment-blame-oriented thinking comes from our core beliefs, which are formed by our life experience. We either have core beliefs that stem from a “power over or under” position or we have beliefs that come from a “power with“ position. Note the following core beliefs:
“Power Over/Under”
Scarcity: life is scarce, not enough to go around, keeps us stuck in old ways
Low self value: not good enough, God left something out
Pain: numbing behaviors, projection and blaming others
Conflicts/struggles: work hard for what you get, reward in heaven
Danger: world not safe, waiting for the divine mallet to fall“Power With”
Abundance: we can all have what we need, mutuality, inclusivity
High self value: trusts own autonomy, tolerates imperfection
Joy/relief/vitality: joy and contentment are context for life
Ease/harmony/peace: play, life is a gift, satisfaction in present moment
Safety: relaxed, high trust in life, environment supports life, world is safe
Judgments/blames are faux feelings that express how we interpret what we think others are doing to us, rather than being authentic feelings, and they come from our core beliefs. Some examples:
| Faux Feelings | Authentic Feelings | Basic Unmet Need |
| Abandoned | hurt, lonely, sad | nurturing, connection, support, caring |
| Belittled | frustrated, distressed | respect, autonomy, appreciation, acknowledgment |
| Criticized | embarrassed, in pain | understanding, recognition |
| Ignored | angry, hurt, embarrassed | belonging, community, inclusion, participation |
| Misunderstood | upset, angry, frustrated | to be heard, clarity |
| Manipulated | powerless, scared, angry | autonomy, trust, equality, freedom, empowerment |
| Violated | anxiety, agitated | privacy, safety, space, respect |
| Tricked | resentful, embarrassed | integrity, trust, honesty, fairness |
In hospitality we work towards a vision of “power with”, awareness and connection to our own authentic feelings, while finding ways of meeting our unmet needs that respect and support all of life. Hear how NVC sounds in conversations
The next Hospitality Zone will focus on leading diverse groups/organizations in hospitality. Please send any comments about this column to Cathy Moreland putting “Hospitality” as the subject, or drop a note in the offering basket.